Philosophy and Clowns
by Ichthyophobia
Summary: Hakuba Saguru is happy, Edogawa Conan is not, and Kuroba Kaito thinks he knows the difference. (Done for the seventh super short contest at Poirot Cafe forums. No pairings.)


**A.N.: Philosophical musing disguised as a character piece. Done for the seventh super short contest at Poirot Cafe forums, so 1000 words exactly, including the quote. The theme this time was "Pride" and hopefully there's enough of it to count. I'm well aware that this won't be my most popular piece but hopefully people will like it. Tell me what you think!**

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" **I would always rather be happy than dignified." ― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre**

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Kaito thinks about his father's advice a lot.

Well, of course he does. He's both his father's son and his father's ghost at this point; everything he's done comes back to the man. Which makes those conversations stuck in his memory shine like jewels sometimes.

The one that comes to mind right now, for instance.

 _("Kaito, who do you think is the best member of the circus?")_

(The clown is, as it turns out.)

And Kaito, on an outing in Beika, thinks his father was more right than he knew.

Aoko's pouting at Hakuba's tweed back, as Hakuba tries to use his connections to get into the crime scene. Even though they're _supposed_ to be going to this cafe that she heard about. (Poirot? Something detective-y. Which is probably why he agreed.) Kaito joins her in pouting, because he can, and he's been looking forwards to this too. It's been ages since he went somewhere without subtly scouting it for a heist.

Besides. The faces make her laugh.

Anyway. That's not the point. The point is Tantei-kun, deadly serious at the center of the latest mystery. The point is Tantei-kun holding himself back, dumbing down his vocabulary, throwing in those little "I saw it on TV" explanation phrases to make himself seem plausible. The point is Tantei-kun afraid of being swept to one side and ignored, and so he makes himself into something more palatable, more possible, more _normal_ than what he is.

The point is Tantei-kun being everything but himself.

Kaito can see him cracking.

Little cracks. Kaito only sees them because he sees them in the mirror sometimes. That fear of being ignored. That fear of being stuck as something you're not. That heart-stopping terror of failing, just once, because if you fail someone will get hurt.

Kaito knows that.

Hakuba invokes his father and gets in, finally, and Tantei-kun stiffens up. Hakuba's someone he sees as a peer. He has to be _extra_ perfect, if Hakuba is watching. He has to prove himself. The cracks get wider with the motion.

And Kaito wishes he could help.

The thing about clowns, though, is they have to make mistakes. Clowns _fail_ at things. Kaito's used it as a feint, a bluff, a distraction. But it's more than that, and it always has been.

Clowns fail, and people laugh.

But _everyone_ fails.

Everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Perfect is impossible. Pride is a liability. And Kaito knows that.

Even for him. Even for his father. Even for Tantei-kun.

The key, like clowns, is to _laugh_.

He used to think Hakuba was too stiff. And let's be fair, he is. Hakuba is proud and standoffish and not entirely friendly, not to anyone. Hakuba has always had something standing between him and proper friendship, whether that was his social status or his mixed heritage or the fact that he has all the improvisational social skill of a stack of bricks.

But Hakuba is _happy_ , at the core of it.

Kaito didn't understand, at first. But now he does.

Hakuba wears Sherlock Holmes cosplay as casual wear, because he likes it. He announces time to the millisecond, because he enjoys knowing. He runs straight into murder scenes and chases thieves across the globe, because he has no reason not to pursue his interests. Hakuba knows who he is, does what he likes, and never apologizes for it.

Hakuba, in the balance between happiness and dignity, has chosen happiness.

Tantei-kun, in his impossible situation, has been forced to choose dignity.

He can't laugh at himself, because he can't afford to do things that can be laughed at. He cannot be himself because he _isn't_ himself, and doesn't think he can afford to be. He cannot choose to be happy, because he has to be perfect. He _has_ to be too proud to let himself fail.

Kaito hates that.

He can't change Tantei-kun's situation. And he can't force the issue.

But he _can_ help, right here and now. A single moment of laughter, in his experience, can fix a _lot._

He puts on his absolute best announcer voice, takes a deep breath, and:

"Ladies and gentleman! Welcome, one and all, to the great Deduction Battle! In this corner, make way for the envy of Edoka, the logician from London, the one, the only..."

Tantei-kun jumps. Hakuba flinches. Both of them look over just in time for Aoko to smack him in the back of the head. He plays up the hit, and Hakuba cracks a smile.

"Bakaito!" Aoko say sharply. Because she's the best straight-man a clown could ask for. "What are you doing?"

"Announcing," he says, rubbing the back of his head. "You don't like it? We can do something else. Okay, you cheer for Hakuba, and I'll cheer for Edogawa-kun." She stares. "Ready? Okay. I'll go first. Go, Edogawa, you can deduce it!" He starts a cheer routine, pulling out fists of magic scarves for pom-poms. Aoko smacks him again. Not that hard, but he plays it up and falls flat on his face.

Hakuba has his hand over his mouth, and is trying to glare. It looks like a smile anyway. Edogawa's turned bright red, but he's smiling as Kaito rubs his head and looks pleadingly up at Aoko.

"Your turn?" he asks.

Kaito keeps up the clowning, tangling himself in his magic scarves and ending with a dove on his head. They try to ignore him. But Edogawa actually laughs, though trying to stifle it. It's super high pitched, and he probably hates it, but Kaito grins.

Hakuba and Edogawa solve the mystery in the same moment, and Edogawa is actually smiling – not shamming at it for once – as they leave the scene. Kaito announces the deduction battle as a tie.

And proposes a rematch.

At Poirot.

With cake.

And Tantei-kun, eyes shining with laughter, agrees.

Victory to the clowns.


End file.
